there's a blaze of light in every word, it doesn't matter which you heard

i just finished my two papers that are due today two hours early! man, im so on top of things. it sure helps when i turn off the tv to write them.

tonight i get to see crash for free with my soc of race class. and the department is buying us pizza! mmmmmmmm.
then after that is shabbos dinner. which will also be good of course. i hope there's lots and lots of kugel. both kinds.

my grandpa is moving home now. since he's been in the hospital and then in the convelescent center for awhile now. i dont know if he's actually getting any better, except maybe his pneumonia is gone, but atleast he'll be with my grandma and that will make both of them happy. which is really what's important right now. maybe tomorrow i will go visit.

school is just pulling along. as usual. maybe i will get ok grades this semester, im not doing that good though. i have hardly any grades back for anything i've done though, which is weird. but ok, cause no news is good news! or so they say.

also! we got approved for our israel trip! so, that means... may 3-6 we'll be in new york city. then may 7-17 we'll be in israel. after that we're going to dc for like three days and virginia for like four. so that's a three week vacation! and i loooooooove vacations. it will be a very good may.

so, if anyone has any suggestions for dc or nyc. where we should go, what we should do, where we should eat, blah blah blah, i wanna know! im mega excited!

now i need to shower cause i smelllllllllllllllll.
love!

sometimes i guess there just aren't enough rocks.

i'm so frustrated! so, what better place to rant about it than livejournal. i was supposed to work today at ten, so that means waking up at nine and leaving for the bus at nine thirty. all of which i did (after getting no sleep last night). so i get there, and chana's like i'm sick, coltranes sick, im gonna stay here, you can go if you dont want to get sick or come in if you want and risk it. so i left because i cant afford to get sick now and i dont need to be there, obviously, if she is.

so now! i dont have class until two thirty and i totally could have slept in if she'd just had the decency to call me. because it takes me like an hour of travel time getting back and forth and blah blah blah. anyways, i hate when people mess up my sleep-time, because it's really important to me and i like to take advantage of when i can sleep in since i dont usually get enough.

now i think i'll try to go to sleep again, but it wont work because i can never take naps. so instead i'll just lounge and try to rest. i guess a good thing is i walked a lot already so atleast i got a lot of exercise.

ok, i have a lot of work to do so maybe i could do some of that also.

well. this update is just for wihad. !!
i went to see jessica in grease. it was pretty cute i guess. it was really just grease but sort of mixed up since the play came first and was different. pretty much all funny parts aren't in the play, for example.
i also have been writing a lot of papers. which is pretty normal for me. and i had a presentation today which i think went well because my teacher said it did. and really, isn't that what education is anyways.

work is going well. it has to be, i think, when my job is playing and eating with a three year old boy and then putting him to bed. waking up in the morning is not so easy though.

saturday night was... well... saturday night. and hopefully i'll forget about it after awhile. it was nice to see some certain people who i don't get to see enough though. anyways, i suck. but its a good thing i have good friends who don't care.

im sooooooo excited for this summer. our huge trip is looking super mega good! we'll hear back from israel soon which will confirm our dates (hopefully!) and then we'll plan from there. i'm nervous about new york city but dave says it will be fine and we can get a hotel if we have to. after that is dc and virginia though! where we do have places to stay! and maybe even with my friend/old gsi kristin! and then dave's friend too. then we're gonna stay here for the rest of the summer and dave has a full-time accounting job at the hospital! it will be way good.

so, maybe i'll update more now. just cause.
ok well.
love.

i haven't updated in a very very long time. i dont remember if a lot happened. but probably most of it was good stuff.
i should probably go to my jewish study thing tonight. but i dont want to. mostly because i really want to be going to the daisy may and seth bernard concert. but no one can go with me and i dont really feel like going alone. so i guess i better study with a rabbi instead.

i havent been doing that much work for school. except reading a lot a lot. and writing just a little bit. i think it will all come piling on really soon and that's what im afraid of. the only thing i care about in school now is that my parents are proud. and that i do good enough to get into another good school after this so that they'll be proud. and then also maybe helping people who need some help.

i have to work out tonight too since my back isnt spasming and tensing up and keeping me from moving. atleast it's not as bad as it was. so i dont think i have an excuse not to anymore.

my room smells like flowers because of the huge, lovely, beautiful bouquet that dave gave me yesterday. last night was really really great and we didnt do anything that special except get some falafal and go to the used bookstore to get some classics i think im supposed to have on my shelf and get a huge brownie sundae and watch gilmore girls and sex and the city. but perfect. love.

well. everything is really beautiful and good. and i cant wait until spring break because im going to go home and make dinner for everyone and maybe see jessica if she can fit me into her busy schedule.

better go read some robinson crusoe!

i always seem to want to update about school. blech.
well, in the spirit of tradition. i want school to be over. i'm trying to do well, but i dont think it's working out. i just want this semester to be over and for me to get good grades so my parents and my grandparents wont be disappointed. and so i can get into law school.

me and dave went to ruckus tonight. im really happy he enjoying doing all my jewish stuff with me now. also, since he got a new job here in ann arbor i can see him every day except tuesday <3 which is very very good.

marshmallows pretty much make me sick but i eat them anyways because i like the noise they make when i chew them. i really like listening to how food sounds when i eat it. dave yells at me sometimes because it makes me look like i have no manners.

thanksgiving will be good. i want to just sleep a lot and eat a lot of pumpkin pie. but i have four papers due that next week. and one due this coming monday. and one this coming wednesday. i'm always writing papers.

i made my schedule for next semester and i hope i get the classes i want, but i dont want to jinx it. also i think if i dont like a class i will immediately switch out of it into another. i've never done that, but i will make myself do it next semester if i get a bad feeling.

my women studies professor is officially insane. she's driving me crazy. im so happy that i have only a month left with that crazy lady. blech. but there were two fire drills during today's two hour discussion. which was bad because it was cold, but good because we hardly had any class time.

i hope this weekend is relaxing. even though it shouldnt be and i should get started on my million papers and my activist interview i need to do. yuck-o.

anyways.
love.

this morning i had a dream that included losing my contacts, finding giant ones that didnt fit, wrinkling up other ones that eventually did fit, dave thinking mini cucumber slices were his contacts, me having to tell him that they werent.
oh, and i dont wear contacts. but dave does in real life. just not the cucumber ones.

friday there was lots to do. i had a make-up jewish lit class. picked up tickets for my family to see carly simon in december. looked at an apartment in a house that me and jake will hopefully! get. went back home to work A LOT to set up jessica's party. had jessica's party. saw NATALIE! and ELI!. lots and lots of fun.
saturday i woke up late. helped clean up from the aftermath. had dinner with dave's family. went to state and saw LISA! and KENNY!. dressed up as a flapper. with a mobster escort.
sunday i saw dave's soccer game (they tied!). and saw must love dogs. which was very typical and very cute. but i dont know if that's just because im in love with john cusack.

now i have hardly any work due this week. just lots of reading and one paper. which is a relief. but i know i should be doing things that are due next week because i should get ahead. yuck.
tonight i have maimonides. which i hope isnt boring.
i will get to eat lots of food!

i can not wait until may. because it will be wonderful and amazing and probably one of the best months of my life. me and dave are going to go to new york, israel, and dc. together! to great fantastic places!
i think that's basically my life dream. for real. traveling with the boy i love.
(speaking of traveling. i also have a hopeful trip planned to visit a darling love of mine next year in denmark!)

i think my life is really really good.
i wish my grades reflected that.


love.

tomorrow is this chica's sweet sixteen party!




even though her birthday is november 7.

i gotta get her something good!

ps. this is also a test of my new picture-ing skills.
thanks to a few nice people helping me!

i still suck at anythign that's not with a pen and paper.

the rocket summer concert was AMAZING!
thank you so much baby.

i've finished all of my important things for school this week.
which was ALOT!
(i really like capitalizing today. or maybe i just have LOTS of important things to say.)

the shuffle for my music right now is so good.
i havent had to skip one.
it's like it's reading my mind.


im going out to lunch today and i dont know what i want!
also. i hope i'll get to go to the cider mill and carve a pumpkin this weekend.
and maybe go to a corn maize.
and we're going to dinner with dave's family.
and we're going to state on saturday!!!
and of course. jessica's party! mucho divertido.

yay! for ignoring school for awhile.


i need to plan some important visiting days.
love.

so. im avoiding writing my paper on bottle rocket. which is unfortunate because it's probably the most interesting subject i've been able to write on this year so far. i have two tests tomorrow also. on not as interesting topics.

i did go grocery shopping this weekend though. so that's good.
and jessica's sweet sixteen is on friday. which will be just like mine.
and im having lunch with SA on thursday.
and then there's the lovely halloween. me and dave will maybe make a re-born rupert.

when tomorrow is over i'll be happy.
then i can worry about important things. like what to get my sister.

if anyone knows how i can put pictures in here and could help that would be awesome.
its a little too hard for me to figure out myself.

this weekend: the above mentioned shopping, lunch with kristin, lots of avoiding schoolwork, dave's soccer game, laziness, dave's team dinner, hanging out at a french exchange student's house with his french girlfriend and his roommate's super super ugly dog, africa study group, lots of paper writing.

i think i should quit school.
with all the time im wasting here i could be writing one of my 239825945745 papers due every week.

love.

lame.

im not interested in sholem aleichem as a narrator any longer.
i am, however, interested in halloween.
i can't wait. i'm gonna be a flapper.
maybe i'll wear my tap shoes.

i'm glad dayna is alive.
love.
my fall study break actually has to be a study break.
yuck.
i had oatmeal with honey and blueberries for dinner.
yum.

i made a list of six law schools i want to go to.
and told myself not to slack so much so i atleast have a chance.
if only i could study and write.
"now you gonna raise the bar right up, nothing i write is ever good enough"
that's supposed to be about love, i just think it's about essays.

and, in the spirit of the new year, here's what i need to do better.
be patient. work hard. apply myself. be kind. be compassionate. be helpful. love harder. love fuller. focus on what's important. communicate. more vegetables. more protein. stay on top of my life. get more sleep. respect people. stay in touch. read for fun. get good grades. learn a lot. smile more. wash my underwear. fix the world.

ok. im gonna start on some of that.
starting with the working hard.
then the sleeping.



love.

so.

im dating a nice jewish boy.

for real.

so much to do!
oh. how i look forward to the days when i'm a law professor.

last night was reading. melville paper. maimonides journals.
tonight is reading. africa paper. jewish lit paper. gilmore girls.
tomorrow is reading. jewish lit paper. perhaps my daddy-o?

always more reading.

man oh man.
thursday i will hopefully be free!
and then have a make-up class for jewish lit on friday.
dave's soccer game that night.
dave's soccer game again saturday.
and fun fun fun.

crash for free at angell hall. aud B. five pm. sunday.
good free movies are always wonderful.

i need to go grocery shopping.
and clothes shopping.
and winter boots shopping.

and money shopping.
if only that were possible.
(i'll take two of those twenties.
that'll be ten dollars please.)

im going to sell my old computer on ebay.
the screen is broken but it's a good computer so maybe someone will want it.

ok, well, that's plenty of boring. and im using up lots of room.

love.

i have come to two conclusions this weekend:

i am not an orthodox jew.
i fucking hate trying to find a place to live in ann arbor.

sometimes i just want to fastforward.


i need some lovin'.
and maybe this week should just end.

eleven hours in the emergency room is eleven too many. luckily i'm fine. i think. they think. (emphasis on think, opposite of know.) and my boy is amazing and lovely and stayed with me for all of those horrible minutes without a complaint. wonderful.

i skipped classes today because of no sleep and doctor's orders. you can't argue with doctor's orders.
and i went to the library. my favorite place.

i hope i'm not falling behind in my classes. i'm trying to keep up but there's too much to remember and i think i'll forget it when i have to take a test or write a paper. but i'm trying atleast.

i didn't have maimonides tonight. which was really good because i'm behind because of last night. i'm really free every night this week. except on friday afternoon when i'm going to oak park for shabbat until saturday night. which will be nice i think. and relaxing. i'm glad i'll be back saturday night instead of sunday night.

and then october's weekends are all free! well, minus random soccer games and perhaps trips and adventures. but adventures are always good.

perhaps some seeing annie? yes?


love.

off to toronto tomorrow morning. maybe some people will like me. sometimes it's hard to make friends.

dave was lovely and came to stay with me last night. i think he thought i was lovely too. there was a lot of love(ly).

classes are reading and going and listening and trying to not sound dumb. some people like to repeat what i say right after i say it so they think they can get credit for being smarter than me. well bah. trying to sound smart is tiring.

there are some annoying freshmen (which i hate to say, since im just barely a sophomore) in some of my classes. they like to talk a lot. and try to out-talk the rest of us. to show off. they should know they just look like silly freshmen showing off. or maybe i'm just a snob.

i have to memorize the world for my africa class by wednesday. maybe i'll learn all the places i can go to when im rich.


well, i learned a lot about loving and growing and all that from rabbi j. so i'm gonna try to use it.

i hope i can do all my work this semester for all five classes. i hope my professor doesn't get mad that i didnt read my stuff by tomorrow because the stupid library got all their books stolen and didn't bother to update that fact. i hope that i dont have to sit next to that girl with the stupid baby voice in soc tomorrow.

my room is really messy but that's just cuase i have to unpack more i think.
and also cause im messy.

i think i'll do a lot of work this weekend. and buy lots of stuff. like folders and notebooks and trash cans.
i think i like everything im learning about this semester. which will make it good. probably.

there's not really that much to update about. except that it sucks to not have tv. but it's really going to be a good thing. because i'll get a lot of work done. it just makes me bored. cause im a good capitalist and a great American and i love tv. i'll be thankful if i do good in my classes cuase of it though.

well. good luck to myself. and all you other kids doing stuff.
good luck.






"There is nothing like returning to a place that remains unchanged to find the ways in which you yourself have altered. "

i really like running errands. i think i won't mind so much when im a real grown-up and have lots and lots of real errands to run.
i am very excited about living in the new apartment. but not so much moving in.
also, living at my house this summer wasn't even close to as bad as i thought it was going to be.

i have a lot of hopes for this year. blah blah blah. you know.
this weekend was fun. some parts not as fun as expected. but some parts super mega good. there's nothing better than 90s jams. nothing.

and. i really really hope things are good for other people. a certain other person really. i know that it doesnt much matter what i say. so, just know i'm sending some love your way. and that i think its ok to just try and do your best and be happy and sometimes it's ok to just be normal. this year will be good. i'll make sure. and gilmore girls starts soon, you can't go wrong with that. ok, i love you. mwah!




on a more superficial note, i can't wait to decorate my room and the apartment! it's gonna be super awesome.

now. to be a middle aged woman. errands here i come!

it's been quite awhile since i've been back here. into livejournal land.
i guess having a real job and real obligations will do that to you. or maybe just me. i think it was actually my lack of ever being home.

camp was camp. giuliana and kailey were two wonderful little girls that i hope never forget me. and maybe will like to have ice cream with me in the near future some time.

i feel like i should make some sort of summary on this summer. since it was so very very different than any other summer of my life. i can't really, but i hope i remember some of the important things i learned. and also i hope that some of the friends that have become real, amazing, awesome friends will stay that way.

im now nineteen. it passed with the usual anti-climatic ease that birthday's usually do. i got some good presents from my parents. dave took me to UMMA and Seva's and bought me a lovely ring. my parents took me to max and erma's with their gift certificate, and there isnt really anything for me to eat there but i didnt complain.

let's see. matt's cottage. lisa's cottage. ken's cottage. the music co-op which was so incredible. two months is a long time to remember.

well. maybe school will be good this year. and maybe i wont miss dave too much when he doesnt follow through on his promises (that he makes now) to see me super super often. maybe i'll do mega good in class and not be too stressed out and have lots of fun and make friends and see my old friends. maybe.

and maybe i wont get fatter. now that i learned how to play soccer. and frisbee. and will have a pool just eleven or so floors below me.

sometimes i get really stressed out over things that aren't even my own stress. and i just want it to be unstressful for everyone else so that things will just be good. and sometimes maybe it's bad to just want things to be good automatically and be fixed and happy, and maybe it's a little naive to think it could be, but that's just what i think is right.



ok. it's too late now.
i've missed writing in this stupid little thing. i have a lot of stupid little things to say.

im tired. and fat. and tired.
camp is good. im glad i have the little kids, because five year olds are too young to have adopted the "i hate everything and im too cool for this" attitude that kids get. and guiliana is fun. lifting her up all the time is not so fun however. we went to the ann arbor hands-on science museum today. very fun. we have a good bunk.

me and dave went to play ultimate frisbee with a billion high school kids on sunday night. lisa invited us. it was super super mega fun. and tiring. im not used to running. but i think we'll go again next week cause maybe i wont get so fat this summer if i run a little. also maybe dave will teach me how to play soccer and then i'll have an even smaller chance of getting fat.

alsoooooooooooo. i have your sweater kensey!

i am way excited for when the simons go to europe and i get to watch their house/cats. that's possibly the greatest and easiest thing you could get paid for. i hope the cats live through those two and a half weeks.

and me and dave are secret agents. we totally snuck by a billion movie manager people who wanted to kick us out and saw... high tension, batman begins, and howl's moving castle. in the past few days we've seen mr and mrs smith, star wars three, longest yard, and crash. some of which were awesome and some of which sucked. major. (xenon language, annie)

oh. and catie. sorry i suck and forgot to call you back. me and dave were movie hopping that night so i didnt get your message til a longgggg time after. sorry!

ok.

love,
me